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How to DM someone without being THAT guy

Getting an awesome DM is a burst of sunshine in a world that – let’s be honest – can feel a little dark and gloomy right now.

But sending an awesome DM is a shot in the dark in an overcrowded Insta tray (and the heart if they ignore your message –– but let’s be POSITIVE).

If social media rejection makes you feel like crawling under a rock, you’re not alone. Luckily, there are some easy ways to brighten up the situation, whoever you’re about to DM. WE GOT THIS.



You stand out with your moves (Do You Even Floss, Bro?), and you stand out with your insane movie-picking skillz... but how to show this magic off IRL by standing out in a DM? And do we need to think differently if we’re wanting to know how to DM a girl on Instagram?

Here’s how to get it right and be a little bit unique:

  • Treat it like a text. Go low-key with a stand-out-by-blending-in tactic. If you already kinda know this person, talk to them like you do. Use your opening line as a hook –– be a bit of a tease by mentioning that funny thing that went down at the party you both went to –– you know the one. Or mention a mutual friend –– anything to form a genuine connection that isn’t just ‘Sup?’.
  • Whoever you're Dm-ing, don't just talk about their looks. In the list of how to DM girls on Instagram, this is the number one thing to avoid. Just because Insta is all about the visuals, doesn’t mean we have to fall into this trap. Chances are, every other guy in the neighborhood is also sliding into their DMs with the same corny chat about their great photo with all the likes. Yawn. DM-ing a girl on Instagram already shows a certain level of cojones, so live up to expectations with something genuinely insightful from their page – what sort of things are they into? What’s their sense of humor like? Maybe you’ve read something you think they’ll like… (whatever you’ve read, make sure it’s their Insta account ­­–– judge it right).
  • Reply directly to their story. Push to the front by directly replying to their story. This is instant messaging at its finest. PLUS, it shows that you’re into their grid – and that’s flattering. It’s also less crazy than a one-off message all those how-to-hit-up-a-girl-on-Instagram posts have been telling you to create (we know what you’re thinking but hey, this one’s different!).

Push to the front by directly replying to their story.



Being funny is a turn-on but what to say in a DM on Instagram that they haven’t heard before? We could reel off a few lines here that you could copy and paste into their DMs but… it’ll look like you’ve copied and pasted it. And you’ve probably already read a few of those posts screenshotting messages and telling you what to say.

Which is why –– drum roll, please –– the best pick-up line on Insta is one that manages to do what all the others haven’t: ask them out.


Break cyberspace by suggesting something in the real world (or a video call if you can’t meet in person yet). Put into practice what you learned from your Insta scroll of their profile and ask them to do something their genuinely into.

Remember, the worst thing they can say is “no”. And if they say “yes”? Well, that's a whole different ball game.